When I Close My Eyes
by serachanXatsuka
Summary: When you close you eyes, I hope you can see me smile, cause when I close mine, I hope that you'll be smiling someday too... WARNING: character death. Ron's an arse, Weasleys misinformed and Harry and Hermione are such great friends


"Harry, could you be a dear and give me a parchment and a quill." Hermione spoke softly, easing herself up from bed with great difficulty.

Harry moved to get her the things. "Are you sure you should be moving, Mione? I mean the doctors did say to save your energy." He walked back to the bed and handed her the parchment and quill.

Hermione waved him off. "It's going to happen eventually. What's the use of resting when it will only delay the inevitable? At least you can put on my epitaph 'She rocked her life 'til the end'." She slowly arranged the parchment and quill and began to write.

"Do you really mean that?" Harry asked softly. She only replied with a smile. "Was it really worth it?"

"When I close my eyes, I can't see him smiling. But I'm hoping someday, when you close your eyes, you'll see him smiling for me." She knew what, or who he was talking about, probably because she had been thinking of _him_ a lot lately. Her heart gave a painful thump in her chest and she halted her writing to clutch it tightly. "I'm not sure he's worth it either." She gasped, trying to get over the pain. "But thinking about what he has now, I wouldn't have it any other way."

Harry handed her the pain relieving potion. He sighed. There was nothing he could do, really. He was all that she had left. Ron had long abandoned her, telling her the most hurtful things Harry had worked hard to remind her she wasn't. The other Weasleys, too busy with their life to actually know the truth, had believed Ron's version of the story. He had shunned them from his life since then, focusing entirely on his best friend. She hadn't been too close with the other Hogwarts students but she did get the occasional visit, especially this month. But the one that he knew she hoped to see but didn't want to hear from again, hadn't come. The rest of the world was just there, a forever fawning audience for one of their heroine.

"Thanks," she all but whispered and leaned on her bed for a while before silently resuming writing a letter.

He peered over her shoulder but she swatted him away. "Who are you writing anyway?" He asked, stopping from peering over her shoulder and making her use unnecessary energy on keeping him away.

"It's a letter for someone I want to write to." Sealing her letter, she handed it to Harry. "I want you to give it to the person when I'm gone. Don't look at the name until then, okay? Promise me that, Harry, won't you?" Hermione asked, her face a vision of peace. He nodded, keeping the letter in his pocket. "Thanks, Harry."

"Anything for you, 'Mione," he replied wholeheartedly.

She continued to lean on the bed frame. "I'm really glad you're my best friend, Harry." She reached to hold his hand and he let her. "I don't know how long I can keep saying this," she whispered, "but always remember that it was never your fault that they left or died. You're only human, Harry. You have your flaws but I never regretted my decision to follow you, and I would do it again, do it gladly, if I was given another shot at life."

"'Mione..." He called, his voice gruff and there was a lump in his throat he couldn't quite remove. She had been saying these since the war, but there was something with how she said it right now, that made it sound like goodbye.

She patted his hand once and let go. "Now, off you go, Harry. I'm going to take a nap and I'm sure you're expected somewhere else besides here."

She shooed him away and he reluctantly stood up, pecking her cheek and patting her head softly. "I never regretted being your best friend either." He gave her a sad smile and walked out the door. There was so much more he could have said, but that had summarized all those other things very well.

She had been right about the appointments and hurried off so he could finish his business quickly and return as soon as he could.

Her funeral was a solemn occasion. They remembered when she had started to get weak, that even Harry Potter had been seen carrying her around in his back. This had once sparked up rumours about them but was quickly quelled when they saw only friendship in their relationship. The young heroine had slowly deteriorated, her illness unknown to public. Despite her discomfort and weakness, she had always welcomed her visitors with a smile and entertained them.

The sunny weather wasn't helping the mourners any, especially Harry, remembering how she had loved and cherished it, up until her last breath.

_Harry had returned from work a few hours after he had left. He had been caught up in his busy schedule and was worried that Hermione might already be starving and had been helpless to get food for herself. He quickly heated her soup and brought her a bowl and a cup of tea she loved so much._

_She was not in the bed as he had expected her to be. She was on a chair by the window, which she had opened to let the air and sunlight in. She seemed to be sleeping and he placed her food in her desk. He walked to her silently when he noticed something odd._

_She didn't seem to be breathing but he saw that she had a smile on her face as she basked in the warm sunlight. He realized it at once and bowed his head. He only hoped, if her expression was any indication, that she had passed away painlessly._

Harry clutched the journal tightly as her body was being cremated. It had been her wish that her ashes be thrown over a cliff and a gravestone placed near the place her ashes had been thrown. She wanted to be free, she had said, as she had never been when she was alive.

He didn't know if he was sad or not. Remembering the letter she gave him, he pulled it out of his robes and read the name written on it. He closed his eyes after reading the name. He had suspected as much and it had only been a matter of time before Hermione's will broke and she made a move to contact him.

A soon as he received the urn with her ashes, he led the crowd to the cliff. As the others were placing their last tribute to the heroine, he gently released the ashes over the cliff, watching as it was blown away by the wind.

Remembering his final moments with her, he wanted to know if Hermione had known, back then, that she wouldn't see him again. Knowing her, maybe she did, but it didn't matter. She was free now. Society and circumstances would no longer force her to turn away from things. And may be now, he could say that he was glad, glad that it would only be a matter of time before her final message reached the one person that mattered the most to her.

Harry lifted the giant knocker in the Malfoy home. As he let it go, he heard the sound resonate inside the house. A house elf appeared by his side.

"I is Nimp, sir. What is master wanting?" The house elf asked, bowing.

"Tell Draco somebody is here to see him. Don't tell him who I am though." Harry said and the elf disappeared for a moment when he was surprised that the door opened. It was Astoria Malfoy, Draco's wife. "Good morning, Mrs. Malfoy. Is Draco at home?"

"Please call me Astoria and yes, Draco's at home." She said as she led him inside and into the parlor. "I wanted to apologize for not being able to attend the funeral. I didn't know if I could face her after everything I'd done."

Harry looked at her curiously. "What do you mean?"

Astoria smiled dryly. "Do you know Draco still hasn't forgotten about her, after all these years? Every time he thought I wasn't looking, I could see the grief and longing in his eyes. He was never meant to marry me. It should have been Granger and I stole that spot from her. I wanted to go, but I couldn't face her, knowing I had claimed what should have been hers."

Harry sighed. What would Hermione say if she heard about this? "It's not your fault that you were forced to follow the marriage contract your parents made." He said, knowing Hermione would've wanted to assure her. "And Hermione had known beforehand. She knew even before Draco did. When the time had come for him to know, she knew he had to let him go. She knew he would be tormented by the choice he would think he had to make between her and his family. She also wanted to give you and Draco a chance. And to quote her: 'Nobody should be prevented from trying to make their marriage work just because there's somebody who might be hurting. Life would be too miserable.' She said that, and I think she wanted you to at least have the man, when you can't have his heart."

Astoria wiped her tears. "Thank you." She said quietly. They spent the time in silence waiting for Draco to come. They heard the doorknob turn and Astoria stood from her seat. "I'll be going now. I expect my husband will be with you shortly." She said, giving the pretense that she had been there only to guide him to the parlor to wait for Draco. He stood up and nodded his head.

"Draco," she greeted. Astoria passed by Draco without a second glance, closing the door behind her.

"What brings you here, Potter?"Draco said resignedly, motioning for his guest to take a seat.

"I'm not here to make trouble." Harry said, feeling like a disclaimer was needed. "I'm just here to honor Hermione's last wishes."

Draco looked at him intently. "Hermione's dead?" The man looked shocked to the core.

Harry understood the shock since he had asked the Daily Prophet not to make the news headlines. He had been surprised when people still managed to attend her funeral. He only nodded, bowing his head.

"Since when? I mean, how could she..."

"The funeral just ended a while ago. She's been dead for at least a week now." Harry looked at the blonde, scrutinizing his reaction. "She wanted me to give you this letter and I thought the journal would also help. I have no right to hold that. You should read it, it somehow made me understand it better."

Draco only stared at the letter and journal as Harry placed it in his hands. He tried to swallow the big lump in his throat. "How come she died? Last time I saw her, she had been very eager to break my heart."

"She wasn't." Draco's head snapped as he looked at him. "Simply put, she knew you were going to be forced to marry your wife and wanted to save you the agony. She's been sick ever since she left you, I think even before that. It was a spell that hit her during the war, and her own magic somehow started poisoning her body and prolonging her pain but she wouldn't allow the healers to break the curse. It's been a year now since she was finally confined to her bed most of the time." Harry stopped. He wasn't there to make the man guilty. "Anyway, she wanted you to read the letter and I think that her journal would be in good hands." Harry patted him on the shoulder hesitantly and made to leave.

Pausing in the doorway, he turned and looked at Draco. "She wanted to see you, you know. Every day, she waited. I wanted to know why you never came, but I guess Hermione deserves to know more than I do." With that, Harry left Draco in the parlor, in the house that was the place of Hermione's nightmares and dreams.

Since Potter had left him, Draco had not moved an inch. He was staring at the things that had been given to him. He didn't want to admit it but he was afraid of what he would find there but Potter's words kept replaying in his head that he finally relented and opened Hermione's letter

_Dear Draco,_

_How are you these days? I hope I'm not bothering you with my letter and that you've been good to Astoria. First of all, I wanted to say thank you, for giving my letter a chance._

_Harry's been so good to me since I left you and I guess I'm sorry for that. I'm not sorry that it had happened the way it did but I do regret the words I had to say. Did you know I waited every single day, hoping you would see through my lies, and visit me? I know I never should have thought about it but I guess I can hardly find the will to resist the urge._

_When I learned of the marriage contract between you and Astoria, I wanted to know why it couldn't have been me. I had dared to dream, despite the curse, that I could one day be married to you, that maybe I could prove to you that fairytale endings did exist. Happy endings do exist, Draco, only if you make it happen._

_It had been a long time since I learned I didn't have long to live. So I hope, that since we never got a happily ever after, maybe you could make a happy ending with Astoria. She's a very sweet girl, and maybe right now, she feels she had taken everything away from me. Tell her she had given me the most wonderful gift, the knowledge that you would continue to be loved and cared for when I leave._

_Live your life with her, Draco. I know she's miserable. Don't let the things that happened to your parents be your fate, too. You've been given a chance. And remember, as long as you're living, I would never be truly gone. Think of it as a long vacation I'm going to and that we'll someday meet. And when you close your eyes, I hope you see me smiling._

_I love you,_

_Hermione_

He clutched the items Potter had handed him to his chest and cried. He had served the better part of his married life cursing her, when he should have seen past the lies. He was an idiot, and he would forever regret the things he had done.

Reading through her letter once more, he sent it to his study with the journal and went in search of his wife. Wiping the tears that had burst from him, he knew he needed to find Astoria for a long overdue talk.

**A/N: Making the letter made me cry and I hope you like this one as you did with the other recently posted stories. Thanks for the likes on the recent one and I hope you leave a review here... XD hinting at maximum level already.**

**See you guys!**

**SV**


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